HOW ANGER WORKS
Anger, like stress and anxiety, is a sign: it lets you know that you are (or you perceive you are) in an inescapable situation. You feel trapped! And anger --and often aggression-- comes out automatically, in your words, voice tone, or gestures.
Anger and aggression are not acceptable in most social situations, so they are often suppressed, often for many years. However, whether suppressed or not, whether visible or hidden, anger doesn't go anywhere. It just pops up in other various forms and circumstances. When anger and aggression are too intense, occur too often or in 'innapropriate' circumstances, your well being is impaired at all levels: health, work, family and social relationships, sleeping and eating - and the list can go on.
Synergis' licensed professionals will work with you toward:
1.Understanding your anger and
2.Integrating anger in your life, rather than denying it or express it inappropriately. We compare this process to the transformation of the anger vicious circle into a functional, meaningful spiral.
Research shows and 75% of my clients notice that anger and frustration are more likely to manifest themselves in an aggressive way within families or relationships with a significant others. Why is that? How come that we are more aggressive and abusive toward those who are emotionally the closest to us?
French neurologist and psychiatrist Boris Cyrulnic has elaborated a great theoretical model that answers this questions. His research shows that emotional (anger) regulation increases if the interaction with others has a specific structure.
That structure, however, is made possible by a specific psychological, and physical distance. The ”shorter” that distance, the more likely is for the aggression to manifest: it is precisely what happens in close, intimate relationships, and especially in the enmeshed ones. When the two partners or members of a group are very close to each other, that is they are family, and/or familiar with each other, they are much more likely to lose the ability to synchronize their interaction and communication. That translates in impulsive reactions, which creates "estrangement", and consequently the necessary distance.
Evidently, intimacy does not necessarily need to involve aggression, but it always contains the potentiality of it.